so, what is this
that i feel is rocking
in the middle of my earth
while i watch it grow
right after the shot is heard
to give it birth

like a stone
that just sits somewhere to be
until, after ages
it is picked up and thrown into the sea

i keep cutting the umbilical cord
in the face of fire
water at hand
but mostly
finding when to move
and where to stand
each day on which i think
maybe now is the time
to calm and still the urgencies
the beasts come from
hidden lands and hibernation
hungry to be fed

like thrusting from the womb
with no hesitation
and no regret

i learn to walk
and it takes some time
to find the swing and sway
ánd to stay in line
and i want to have some say in
which way to go
narrow, winding
blue, yellow
and decide upon
the pace and its delays
so in the end i can point at it and say
this one is mine

like breastfeeding my ego
in the park on a sunny day
on top of a bench

and i know what it’s like
to move forward and then back
and how sideways can mean
off the track
i feel what it’s like
to take my own hand
when moving
eyes wide open
through a foreign land
i rove around in places
where i do not need to be
where i listen and wish
i will hear the bell
that might save me

like a dinner that takes just too long
and by the time the main course comes
you wonder what the sweets would be

i long to travel
through your pores
into where the curtains are blowing
from windows and from doors
further in and on and on
to the open field
where darkness feels like light
where i can embrace you
with my insides
and  my tailbone just hangs
like it is looking for more
while my spine hears
the tones of grass singing
and dances for a moment
in the vain of being free

like a snake sliding along the apple
before sharing its juices
and putting it back on the tree

i park myself sometimes
in rooms and on grasses
to cope
to rest to wait to be
to find
i have no vacancies
for any excuse or little white lie
so, when the beasts come and look through the windows
i turn the sign that says
yes, we’re open

now, where was i?


©lily kiara


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